Back in January my sister-in-law, who is an amazing blogger, had a post about using a word to describe your upcoming year http://karensshortstorylong.blogspot.com/2011/01/word.html - I liked the idea, but couldn't think of what word to use. I've continued to think about it off and on the past several months but no word ever seemed just right. Until today.
Simplicity.
1: the state of being simple, uncomplicated, or uncompounded
2a : lack of subtlety or penetration : innocence, naiveté b : folly, silliness
3: freedom from pretense or guile : candor
4a : directness of expression : clarity b : restraint in ornamentation : austerity
I started out the morning the same as I have all year, taking my 30+ minute bus ride to work, reading something from the library- something on the brink of being due, so more pushing through to finish, rather than relishing in it, no matter how good it is (yay local authors!).
Today I got to the chapter on simplicity, using the books of Laura Ingalls Wilder. The Little House series was a favorite of mine growing up, it reminded me of how much I wanted to live like Laura, my bonnet flying behind me as I run across the prairie barefoot. Such a simple life sounded wonderful to me...until my mom would remind me that there was no television or inside plumbing. Eh, maybe not.
Then came lunch time. Heading out the door, my boss teased me, asking me where did I think I was going (me going anywhere is always a surprise - 99% of the time I'm glued to my desk) and when I responded that I had no idea, as I had to go get something from somewhere. I then performed my inner dilemma of decision making out loud -- "Udi's is good but expensive, so maybe Subway, but then I feel guilty for buying a sandwich when I could have made one at home, or maybe something downstairs but it's getting late so maybe they are no longer open or don't have anything good. But maybe..."
I paused, as a look of genuine concern crossed my boss's face. "It's lunch; it's supposed to be simple, a time to relax! Go enjoy it, you deserve it." Okay. Udi's it is. As I approached the counter and looked at all the great and various vegetarian options I had in front me, I once again began to panic. Do I really want to try avocado and strawberries together? What if I hate the picked ginger on the eggplant pita and 8 bucks goes down the drain?
"Ma'am?" (yes, all this worrying has me going gray and gaining worry lines that push me into the ma'am arena at 32), "What would you like?" Panicked, I flick through the menu above the counter and blurt out "Grilled cheese". Yes, a special lunch, one that is supposed to be a luxurious treat, and I pick out the lunch I should have outgrown in preschool.
I get it to go, as I'm now lactose intolerant and I'm not sure I have pills with me (I do, of course, thrown in the bottom of my ever increasing bottomless pit of a purse) so I decide heading back to the office where an emergency stash of lactose awaits is best. My brown paper bag appears and I decide to at least take the longer way back, this is the first time I've been out in the middle of the day in a very long time.
As I get to my desk, I open my paper bag to find my grilled cheese panini on rustic bread (so see, a little more fancy than the white bread of youth) and crispy kettle chips. Udi's has Barq's root beer as a fountain drink, my number one choice in the main brand root beer war, so I take a sip, swallow an enzyme, and take a bite of ooey gooey golden cheddar goodness. Aah. I decide to watch a little of the video I've been listening to at work, the latest Best Actress in a Comedy Emmy nominees talking about their craft. The enjoyment of this simple moment is overwhelming. I am literally brimming with happiness. At least until my afternoon staff meeting.
On the bus ride home, I finish the simplicity chapter, though my afternoon ride tends to get a little sleepy for me, usually because I'm up too late the night before for no good reason. After trying to get into a new chapter and doing the embarrassing nose dive drift off into the book, I decide to put it away and look out the window. It was a beautiful day. The clouds were spectacular; so many little puffy white clouds dotting the expansive sky. Normally it is either clear blue skies or big thunderheads, at least when I bother to look up. But today's sky was like those displayed in art masterpieces; just the right arrangement of blue and white. The mountains in the distance looked amazing, so green in the front and the tallest mountains in the back capped with snow. So much beauty just waiting to be admired; so much beauty I usually ignore.
And that is when it hit me; I have spent so much of my life trying to avoid being simple. Everything always has to be more extravagant and majestic to me; I have looked at simplicity almost as a bad word in the past. But lately I have found myself trying to simplify things, clear out the clutter, let more things go. Because sometimes it just gets so overwhelming, everything begins to be too much. It doesn't have to be that way. It shouldn't have to be that way.
I stopped at the store on my way home to buy some good bread and some basil. Together with my tomatoes, olive oil, salt, and garlic I already had at home, I made my favorite meal - bruschetta. It is still mind boggling to me how much I adore this food, especially when in normal circumstances I am not that fond of tomatoes. But something in this combination just makes it so simple, but the taste is so complex - the crunch of the bread with the soft squish of the tomatoes, the richness of the garlic with the lightness of the oil, the peppery bite of the basil balanced with the enhancement of the salt. Sheer perfection. 
When I decided to try to let a few things go, it was amazing what happened. I came home to create a fantastic meal, got to spend time chatting with my bestie on the phone and making plans to get together this weekend, regardless of busy schedules, the Boston Bruins won the Stanley cup...okay, maybe that last thing had nothing to do with me, but I did finally get to watch some major hockey action, something that I let fall to the wayside most of the season. And I wrote this - probably the thing I put off the most that I wish I did everyday - write, and not because I have to, or feel obligated or guilted into it -- writing because I want to.
So there it is, for all it is worth, being that the year is already halfway over. But I'm not going to worry about it. I am going to try and enjoy my word for the rest of the year, and hope that it brings some simple goodness into my life. I will not even try to worry about finding a word that describes me, like in Eat, Pray, Love. 
I will try to occassionally use another word from that story, probably my mother's favorite word/saying: Il dolce far niente - the sweetness of doing nothing.
Gotta love those Italians; they certainly know how to live well. What else can you expect from a place that creates masterpieces like bruschetta?
Time to sit back and unwind.
