Oh, I'm sorry, was I actually supposed to do that?

So...100 movies. Yeah. Didn't happen. Not even close. Not even in the same ballpark, state, hemisphere... in other words, I failed. Surprise. Looking at my non existent reviews over the past year, I can't say I'm surprised. You would think this would discourage me from attempting to take on any other half schemed notions that are massive time sucker uppers when time is uber limited in my world lately but, no, it didn't. Here's the next crazy goal I'm attempting.





That is right. 50,000 word novel by the end of this month. How many words do I have now? Umm...does this count? If so, maybe 800. Maybe. So add another zero to that number and you will have where I'm supposed to be at this point. Yeah, already off to a great start. But I figured I better try something to get me out of my writer's block funk that I've been on for what seems to be forever. I'm tired (as I'm sure my fellow writer's group members are as well) of claiming to write and never actually doing it.



I tried to confront my fears this year at Halloween. No, I was not a clown, they still scare the beejeezus out of me. I was good ol' writer's block. The enemy that should not exist. The one that I know all too well about and that I did a presentation on in college on how to overcome. I wonder if I have any of my old handouts from that lecture... I certainly could use them now.

Will I be able to get anywhere near my goal? I hope I at least write something - I'm beginning to annoy my fictional character. She keeps popping up in my regular life in ways that are starting to scare the beejeezus out of me as much as clowns. Hopefully she will rub off on me for Xtina's Flix -- afterall, she is a film reviewer, one that actually completes assignments. Of course imaginary deadlines are much more fun than real ones.

Good luck fellow NaNoWriMoers. May your pens be full of ink, your computer full of extra space, and your brains empty of mind garbage.

(100) Days of Summer

Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and they end with no lasting memory made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life.

--Narrator, (500) Days of Summer

Well, here it is again, the longest day of the year. Which also means the shortest night. Today was supposed to be a big day, my first day without meat. I watched Earthlings the other day (well, attempted to anyway), and between that and Food, Inc. I've decided I'm pretty done with meat. Don't spread that around though, I'd hate to be labeled a terrorist. Did you know you could be just by bad talking meat? It's true, though if it is supposed to be because of the economic impact, believe me, trying to eat only fruits and veggies is not going the cheap route at all.

Not one to just give myself one challenge to struggle through, I decided to try and get in 100 movies within the next 100 days. Reviews on those movies, well, maybe if I limit them to a few sentences they will be done. Somehow I'm thinking the lazy days of summer are going to be a little busier than usual. If some of those days are spent hanging out in a cool movie theater, well I guess I'll just have to live with that...for the challenge, of course.

Real vs Reel

...sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't, because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid. So, if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be songwriters, so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know we're thinking, so we'll never be able to get the chance to make things right again...

Rory Gilmore

It's funny, I always think of Gilmore Girls on June 3rd. That is because it was supposed to be the wedding day of "Luke" and "Lorelai" but it was postponed indefinitely. My life tends to go that way, always a mixture of what I've seen or read and what is reality. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Partly because I now have a roommate that is not a big fan of TV or film, something I find about as mind boggling as he does when I schedule my life around being able to watch something. I don't see his life as necessarily more fulfilling, but maybe it's a little more real.

I also have been thinking about what can be considered reality lately. Sometimes life seems as real as a reality show on TV -- the cameras may not be around, but people are certainly playing a part. I've recently been sharing stories of heartaches, both mine and others, and how when one person is not telling the truth, when they are hiding something substantial from the other, that it feels like the whole relationship was a lie. The feelings that you have for the other person are suddenly cheapened, no matter how real they were, they suddenly feel like a mistake.

Then again, most of the time when this is going on, there is a little part of us inside that knows things are not right; and we usually ignore it until it is too late. I know in my past relationships that is certainly the case.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this -- I have so much to say but hardly know how to say it. In reality I'm scared to say it. In a movie, my words would be complimented by a swelling score and perfect lighting. Words that will probably invoke heartache and broken dreams would instead be returned and a fade out to happily ever after would await me. I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm guessing nothing out of a typical romantic comedy.

What I do know is that I have been living in a world of "reality" for far too long. I have taken the easy way out, living life sitting in the audience. I am terrifed what being an active participant in my own story will bring. I might have to do some serious acting first; but maybe life in the big picture will turn out to be pretty real afterall.

Spring Awakening

Silver white winters that melt into springs, these are a few of my favorite things...

I really need to update my ipod. Yo Yo Ma's version of this song from his Christmas album came on the other day while walking to my office. However, it did remind me how often I forget about the simple pleasures in life. And to cheer the bleep up.

For some reason, I always get the blues at the very end of winter. Not the regular humdrum in the middle of January, when the holidays are all but forgotten (except for the extra 5 pounds gained from all the sugarplum feasts of the month before.) Always when winter is still fighting to hold on to it's last freezing breath before the warmth and renewal of Spring.

I used to blame this on the increased viewing of Academy Award nominated films -- I think it's a prerequisite to have films that make you want to stick your head in the oven as Best Picture nominees. However, I was a bit lacking in getting all my films in this year. I'll blame the increase in nominations, but really, I just couldn't bring myself to watch Precious. Still haven't.

Anyway, humdrums aside, Spring has sprung! And with it, a little glimmer of hope and a renaissance of dreams put aside during the long winter's slumber. Like the daffodils pictured above that I was certain I killed while debating the slim pickings of corned beef the night before St. Paddy's, sometimes we need a little pruning, a little nurturing, and a whisper of kindness to bloom.

It also never hurts to remember a few of your favorite things. A few of mine:
the warmth of freshly made copies, the smell of Lady Grey tea, the simple, unabashed love of a pet, a dollar bunch of daffodils splendidly in bloom.

Gearing up for a roaring good time...

Happy Lunar New Year! I can't believe it's been a year since I updated this blog. It was a tough year to be sure, not one I'm sure I'd like to reminisce about in blog form, but one that probably could have used some documenting. Of course, isn't every year like that? So much different than the one before, but so much the same? I'm hoping this year is different and memorable. Especially since I have a lot of writing ambitions on my goal list.

Ah, the goal list. So much fun to write...so much harder to cross off. This year I'm going to try and employ some help. I like to think that I can hold myself accountable for things, but since I know me better than anybody, I know all the ways to weasle out of things. Maybe a little reporting to others will make my goals stick a little more.

I do feel a little bit more of a clean slate this year than most others. Maybe it has to do with the beginning of a new decade. Will the Year of the Tiger start off a roaring good time for the next ten years? I surely hope so.

To add to all these turning of a page times, it is also currently the Lenten season. I'm not Catholic, but I always try to give up something, you know for fun. I like the challenge of it, though I'm not sure I've ever fully made it. This years sacrifices: soda and candy. I KNOW -- what was I thinking?! Except, after seeing a few photos of me lately, I could definitely go without these two things for forty days. I could go without these things for forty years, but I know that's never going to happen. So far, so good. I'm not even going to use Sundays as a cheat, which technically makes the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter 46 days. Yes, I've triple counted. Apparently, there is a whole weird thing of Sundays being like "mini-Easters" in Western Christianity so they do not count. They don't count religiously, but I will know if I eat the whoppers in my pantry. Or the one that fell on the floor in the kitchen when I was cleaning that I threw away. I didn't contemplate that one too hard, give me another 20 days, and we will see.

I really shouldn't eat other bad things either, but a world without any treats does not sound like a world I want to participate in. My roommate tried to say ice cream was "frozen candy" the other day and that I shouldn't have any. I told him not to joke around with a fat girl on limited sugar about ice cream. But I didn't have any. Still haven't. See, those annoying accountability people are keeping me going down the right path. Darn.

I know that not many, if any, people read this, so I guess I will have to be responsible for keeping this up. I don't plan on this little blog of my little world moving far beyond the realms of my computer. It's not like it will turn into this...

But hey, if I post more than once this year, I will be on an upward track! So here I come blogging world, here me ROAR!