A Very Firthy Year

Well, 2011 has come and gone.  With it goes a long list of goals made in the frosty hope filled wonder of January last year.  A list that I just happened to glance at this last week to find that while I did amazingly accomplish some things, most fell by the wayside as they were not given more than a fleeting thought 12 months ago.  It can be a little diminishing to the fresh New Year hopes when you see how similarly you felt last year and then think of how easily you just gave up. 


Not that the whole year was a loss.  Actually 2011 was not too shabby.  I worked too much, played too little, and procrastinated just as often.  But I did begin and end my year with Colin Firth, and when can that be considered a bad thing?

In February I was lucky enough to attend Oprah's Oscar After Party in L.A.  I decided a few years ago that I would not land at LAX until I was going for a film industry meeting. I did have an exception if my request for red carpet bleacher seats was ever granted, but so far I'm 0-3 in that race. However, on a whim I signed up for Oprah's show and was first turned down.  But then I received a second chance invitation. Crazy, expensive, and so not worth it for most people, I never hesitated. I was in. Luckily I have a fantastic mom who is willing to accompany me on my strange adventures.  I'm not sure it was the trip of a lifetime for her, but there was a moment, sitting in the Kodak theater a mere 12 hours after the Academy Awards, when I could have died very very happy.

The King's Speech was a fantastic movie, my pick for Best Picture, so it was just icing on the cake when it was such a clear audience favorite that even the screenwriter, David Seidler, was present in the audience.  Such a beautiful sound, hearing all those fans cheer for the writer of a film.

I wish I could say I used my renewed desire for screenwriting to finish a screenplay this year. Instead, I have a little more than a handful of pages of a very rough draft.  But I resolve to do better this year and you never know, maybe someday I'll be back at the Kodak.  

Until then, I will enjoy the Christmas presents I received from my siblings -- a Blu-Ray of the film that began my year...

and a very covetable mug ...

Even if I come to think of this Darcy ahead of Firth's,

I would settle for a Mark Darcy kind of 2012, especially as like Bridget in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, I truly believe that happiness is possible... even when you're thirty-three and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.

September 12th.

'That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But, it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it and think how different its course would have been. Pause, you who read this, and think for a long moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on that memorable day.' -- Charles Dickens, Great Expectations




So begins the book One Day by David Nicholls, now a feature film I still want to see. Problem is, I always want to read the book before seeing the movie, and I've been a bit busy lately. So I started reading this when the movie was already out in theaters...and not receiving the best of reviews. Still, I found it somewhat serendipitous that I started reading this today; a book looking into the relationship between two people on one given day over twenty years.

The notion intrigued me because I have always had a strange connection with random days, days that to anyone else would be forgotten dates on a calendar, but that stick with me and remind me of where I was on that day however many moons ago when the day became infamous and ingrained in my mind.

I previously wrote about my acknowledgement of May 23rd, the date I graduated high school, but there are different dates that hold private memories in my soul, dates that normally go unnoticed to others, but receive some notice from me. Usually these are dates that were not chosen by me, but by the events that occur to make it memorable. I blushingly confess that more than once I have tried to make events occur on a certain day so that I could remember an anniversary on a date I like. Yes, I like the number 13, but even I know now that postponing a relationship for it to begin on that day is just asking for failure. Afterall, as Harry told Sally, "...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible."





The past week has found me pretty emotional, crying at the most random things at the drop of a hat. I thought maybe the stress of a busy schedule was getting to me, ignoring the obvious answer right in front of me; September 11th. I couldn't fathom why the 10th anniversary of something was harder for me to handle than the previous years, but that seems to be the case. I wanted to write about it, to maybe work out what was happening in my head, but found it heartbreaking. The whole weekend was numbing. I came to the conclusion, that while I have had some horrible things happen to me personally in my life, events that should qualify as the worst day of my life, they still didn't compare to this date when nothing happened to me specifically, but still managed to change every aspect of my life as I had previously known it.

When reminiscing about life 10 years ago, I was reminded of something else, perhaps my saving grace, the event that happened after my world came tumbling down. On September 12th, 2001 I attended my first workshop for Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way.

Unsure whether class was still going to happen, my mom and I showed up in the basement of a church to find another group of people full of uncertainty. When the teacher shared her same doubts, she stated that her decision to continue the workshop as originally planned was due to the feeling that maybe now, more than ever, was when we needed to focus on living our most authentic and creative lives. We all agreed and thus began 12 weeks that changed the course of my life for the better.

I have tried to recreate the growth I felt during that first class a few times and usually start with gusto that fades before the 3 months are over. When visiting my mom in Pueblo in July, I went with her to the Friends of the Library bookstore where I found the follow-up book to The Artist's Way, Walking in This World. I happily purchased it, thinking it would be a great way to get me back into the swing of things, to jumpstart my creativity that has been stagnant for far too long. It was still sitting on the table next to my chair today, unopened and unexplored.

Shame and guilt kept me from cracking it open today, instead I googled The Artist's Way. And what did I unfold but Julia Cameron's new blog classroom! http://juliacameronlive.com/2011/09/12/and-so-we-begin/

Serendipitous, no? I felt that stirring in the very bottom of my soul that occurs when I feel like something is aligning between me and the universe, nothing I can name, but something I know I need.

This little task may be just the thing to get me back to where I need to be, to the person who held onto the discovering of my creativity like my life depended upon it. Because the truth is, it does.

2011, Part Deaux

Well, here it is, July 2nd. AKA the first day of the second half of the year. There are now less days left in the year than have already passed.

I would like to say my goals list is cruising right along, but sadly, the lazy hazy days of summer upon us have made my brain and ambition lazy hazy too.

I would chalk this up to my chosen word simplicity if I wasn't constantly *thinking* of what I have to do and just not doing it. Ah well, there is always Fall.

Graduation Day

Today marks the 15th anniversary of the day I graduated high school. Normally on this day I am off doing something fun - I made it a sort of rule to always try to be someplace better than I was on that day. Or maybe I should say, to feel like I was once again ending one chapter and heading off into the great (and hopefully more exciting) future.

In years past I've been in Ireland, Italy, on a solo road trip through several states - usually this day has been full of travel to places I've never been or seen, someplace to get that fear and excitement back. Because wasn't it exciting to graduate high school? To finally be finished with what had seemed to be an endless sea of classes? But it was also terrifying; heading off into a complete unknown, away from the familiarity of school and friends and a world where weekend plans were the most important thing.

River of grass in Wyoming

As I knew this day was coming, I kept trying to think of something to do this year, some way to make it memorable. That is, if the "rapture" didn't occur first (don't you just hate it when math equations don't work?) ; )

I knew I would have to work - real life is now, well, real. Weekend plans are no longer the only things I have to think about, and sadly, usually are more about running errands and doing unpleasant things I've been putting off more than having fun with friends. Still, I thought maybe a new hairstyle or small excursion somewhere would mark the occasion. Maybe do something a little daring. But I didn't. I worked. I came home. I did this. Nothing too remarkable or momentous.

Maybe I no longer need to go someplace to get that thrill of uncertainty. Life 15 years after heading into the unknown certainly has not gone the way I expected. I would never place myself where I am - not that it is necessarily a horrible place to be, just... not as far as I was hoping to go. I may have always had dreams as big as some fellow Arvadans...

The Fray opening for U2 at Invesco Field 5-21-11

But I'm starting to realize how big dreams need big ambition - something I've been lacking a lot of for, well, as long as I can remember. I've had bouts of it come along over the years, and those are the times when I can actually note something that happened during a particular year, otherwise the years start to blur. So hard work, ambition, and passion. These are my new adventures I aim to head for this year. I don't want another 15 years to pass as quickly and as uneventfully as these last 15. I still might not end up where I thought I'd be, but maybe, just maybe, I can end up someplace even better.

Oh, I'm sorry, was I actually supposed to do that?

So...100 movies. Yeah. Didn't happen. Not even close. Not even in the same ballpark, state, hemisphere... in other words, I failed. Surprise. Looking at my non existent reviews over the past year, I can't say I'm surprised. You would think this would discourage me from attempting to take on any other half schemed notions that are massive time sucker uppers when time is uber limited in my world lately but, no, it didn't. Here's the next crazy goal I'm attempting.





That is right. 50,000 word novel by the end of this month. How many words do I have now? Umm...does this count? If so, maybe 800. Maybe. So add another zero to that number and you will have where I'm supposed to be at this point. Yeah, already off to a great start. But I figured I better try something to get me out of my writer's block funk that I've been on for what seems to be forever. I'm tired (as I'm sure my fellow writer's group members are as well) of claiming to write and never actually doing it.



I tried to confront my fears this year at Halloween. No, I was not a clown, they still scare the beejeezus out of me. I was good ol' writer's block. The enemy that should not exist. The one that I know all too well about and that I did a presentation on in college on how to overcome. I wonder if I have any of my old handouts from that lecture... I certainly could use them now.

Will I be able to get anywhere near my goal? I hope I at least write something - I'm beginning to annoy my fictional character. She keeps popping up in my regular life in ways that are starting to scare the beejeezus out of me as much as clowns. Hopefully she will rub off on me for Xtina's Flix -- afterall, she is a film reviewer, one that actually completes assignments. Of course imaginary deadlines are much more fun than real ones.

Good luck fellow NaNoWriMoers. May your pens be full of ink, your computer full of extra space, and your brains empty of mind garbage.

Gearing up for a roaring good time...

Happy Lunar New Year! I can't believe it's been a year since I updated this blog. It was a tough year to be sure, not one I'm sure I'd like to reminisce about in blog form, but one that probably could have used some documenting. Of course, isn't every year like that? So much different than the one before, but so much the same? I'm hoping this year is different and memorable. Especially since I have a lot of writing ambitions on my goal list.

Ah, the goal list. So much fun to write...so much harder to cross off. This year I'm going to try and employ some help. I like to think that I can hold myself accountable for things, but since I know me better than anybody, I know all the ways to weasle out of things. Maybe a little reporting to others will make my goals stick a little more.

I do feel a little bit more of a clean slate this year than most others. Maybe it has to do with the beginning of a new decade. Will the Year of the Tiger start off a roaring good time for the next ten years? I surely hope so.

To add to all these turning of a page times, it is also currently the Lenten season. I'm not Catholic, but I always try to give up something, you know for fun. I like the challenge of it, though I'm not sure I've ever fully made it. This years sacrifices: soda and candy. I KNOW -- what was I thinking?! Except, after seeing a few photos of me lately, I could definitely go without these two things for forty days. I could go without these things for forty years, but I know that's never going to happen. So far, so good. I'm not even going to use Sundays as a cheat, which technically makes the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter 46 days. Yes, I've triple counted. Apparently, there is a whole weird thing of Sundays being like "mini-Easters" in Western Christianity so they do not count. They don't count religiously, but I will know if I eat the whoppers in my pantry. Or the one that fell on the floor in the kitchen when I was cleaning that I threw away. I didn't contemplate that one too hard, give me another 20 days, and we will see.

I really shouldn't eat other bad things either, but a world without any treats does not sound like a world I want to participate in. My roommate tried to say ice cream was "frozen candy" the other day and that I shouldn't have any. I told him not to joke around with a fat girl on limited sugar about ice cream. But I didn't have any. Still haven't. See, those annoying accountability people are keeping me going down the right path. Darn.

I know that not many, if any, people read this, so I guess I will have to be responsible for keeping this up. I don't plan on this little blog of my little world moving far beyond the realms of my computer. It's not like it will turn into this...

But hey, if I post more than once this year, I will be on an upward track! So here I come blogging world, here me ROAR!